the glass eye view

chicago blues

2010-05-02T21:47:00.023+08:00

end of architecture cruise tour

corn cobs

wrigley (yes the gum) building behind

empty gondolas

navy blues.

curvy turvy.

beams

i barged in a cathedral wedding. oops

fluffy discs.

egg white spinach frittata with blue cheese. MMMS.

yolk!

don't mess with me.

blossoms.

cloud gate.

reflections

shrouded john hancock tower

chicago blues.

red velvet cheesecake. cheesecake factory.

tulips in the city

parallels.

snaps.

taza special falafel! (:

diet monster.

2010-04-07T20:22:00.001+08:00

its back.

to do's

2010-03-29T13:45:00.003+08:00

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them.
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records (CDs)
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Swordfought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand (it doesn't have to be sex)
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror Show
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds not all at once, but after losing, gaining, and then losing again, it adds up
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested

red pocketed weekend.

2010-02-15T09:54:00.011+08:00

hope u liked mn marcus!

we drove on the frozen lake. OMG

snapsnaps.

machine of destruction.

SMU JUMP!

broken horizons

Fitgers brewery

CNY reunion (:

bummed out

2010-02-09T09:17:00.001+08:00

woohoo. what a week. finally got time to update a lil here. the past week has been rather crazy. rushing out assignments, readings. OMG. decided to head to woodbury on friday for some shopping!! with jan joey kenneth n cho. but to our horror... woodbury is actually not an outlet mall! omg. but we were famished. so we grabbed a bite at leann chin (think panda express) and then headed 45 miles to albertville (the real deal) outlets. WOOHOO managed to get a pair of coach sunnies, GAP swimwear, Guess top, and 2 luckybrand tees! was really controlling myself. (: then headed back and had dinner with cho at some vietnamese restaurant. was jus boycotting western food the whole day.din wanna play poker cos it jinxes me (seriously it does!) so yeah went back and tried studying for the exam i had 2 days back.

then on sat went MOA with puff! (: had lunch at rainforest cafe (im preeet sure they had one in sg last time) and then speed shopped for like 3 hrs. HAHA it was almost impossible to cover the whole place. but yeah it was fun. walked by gilly hicks. omg that place is a girl's paradise. all types of underwear and bras and bikini and what not. woots. and its actually a brand under the same holding company of A&F, hollister. yupps. n they had hot models in swimwear parading outside the store. A+ for marketing efforts! MMMS went for cold stone after that. n then puff had to head back. that night was joey's bday celebrations. so went to his place for predrinks. then headed to 1st ave club. gosh that night was horrid. drank on empty stomach that s why. and that got me gone without myself knowing. started puking like a merlion its not funny. the toilet bowl was my confidante and i was jus pouring out my woes the whole time. and the next morning i woke up with a bump on my head and a HUGE bruise on my arm. totally not funny man. swear i will never get there again. its so scary! ): just hope the injuries recover soonish.

had exam on tues for bio psych. studied real hard for it. and got back results today. haha 38/45. i guess its not bad. just need to pass right. yeah another exam coming up for adolescent psych. but im gg duluth this weekend for snowboarding!! so yeah books aside pls. OH went for salsa class tt night. it was nice to dance again. but the standard there as compared to sg is quite differential. the caderas ppl are way better than them! woots woots. miss social dancing with them. )): owells. think im gonna check out the salsa clubs next wed.

called ah ma last night and it was great hearing her voice. haha she sounded so shocked to hear me. and i missed her. kinda teared. what a loser. but yeah i really miss home. n CNY is coming!! haha well gonna have steamboat tomorrow at mel's place. so heartwarming to have them. and to have a reunion dinner together. YUMM cant wait. n marcus is coming in from ny tom too! he's so gonna be teaching us snowboarding. all of us are noobs. HAHA but yeah can't wait for the weekend.

OH got a package from uk this week too! heheh filled with bakkwa, cheezels, wanwan, primadeli mixes, and a card. haha was a surprise tho. totally didn't expect it. thanks jy! these goodies will last me through CNY feeling less homesick for sho. (:

aights im too excited abt the weekend. (: happy CNY and vday everyone. have a smashing one.

squash squash baby

2010-01-27T09:28:00.002+08:00

whee. had squash ydae afternoon. been awhile since i touched tt racket. was a really good workout! (: had 4 classes today. no joke man. 4 days of 8am classes. what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. wanted to play badminton today but the courts were filled! so ended up playing squash again. went for BOSU class before that too. OMG damn intense. all the core workouts, working every ounce of my muscles. who says we cant exercise in winter huh. (: had a good chat w sky after class ydae. the exchange ppl are really nice. i'm tryin to make the best out of the experience from now on. oh today s cold! -16 or sth. the wind chills are OMFG cold. it jus bites you in the skin. i ve got several bites from the cold already. like jus random cuts that appears outta nowhere. gosh.

OH met 2 of my new buddies today! (: they assigned me two other after i told them about the china guy being MIA for sucha long time. my new buddies are really nice. (: claire and kyle. im looking forward to good times. (: going chicago tomorrow! windiest city in USA. hope it wont be TOO cold. whee. loving my life here day by day. just received my stuffs from amazon. that site is amazing. things u can find and buy. and i got my tickets to nyc today too! whee.

peace out.

MINNESOTA

2010-01-26T06:01:00.013+08:00

miss you guys ALOT.

to those that matter: i miss you all too.

well, decided to revive this blog and update friends and family of my happenings in Minnesota. it's been quite a roller coaster getting over here, settling down, new environment, new friends, new beginnings. i guess i do miss ppl back in singapore alot. family, friends. i miss hanging with friends for supper, chillout at timbre, lunches at raffles place during internships, stuffs like that. i miss my mum's nagging (weird but i find myself doing things she always nags me to do even though she aint here with me). i miss making fun of my little brother at home, irritating the heck outta him and then we both end up smiling gleefully. i miss my helper at home, always ready to whip up a hearty meal, cleaning, washing, tidying. i miss sg food. the food here is alright, but cold sandwiches or pizza aint the way to go. been trying to cook more asian food these days. though my pad thai failed terribly a few days back. (ouch, ego bruised). was SO happy to find united noodle and coastal seafood. got a whole ton of asian food and premixes and sauces. (((; and i miss the efficiency of sg's public transport. seriously. i was waiting in the cold last night and i realized that i have been taking these things for granted back home. this country is a place of many firsts for me, when i was here in 2007, it was my first time in such a faraway continent, first time puncturing 2 tyres at once, first time staying in a student hostel and so on. now, over here on exchange, it's my first time being in somewhere SO cold, first time cooking for myself, first time doing up a room from scratch, first time washing my clothes by hand, first time falling on ice while running for the bus, first time watching a lacrosse game, first time gg for a house party, first time driving and im looking forward to proclaim many more firsts. (hopefully more good firsts than bad)

well, some of u may have heard already but yeah we didnt make it to the gaga concert. what a let down (suck it up bitch). she felt too ill to perform. the news broke through the cold silence in the car as we sped down lafayette to purdue uni to the concert venue. it was wrenching. guess the only symphonies of the night was that of her tunes playing over and over on the radio. had some really lousy korean food (and to think the waitress thought we loved the food so much we want to return) and some hotel brekkie and headed back to minneapolis. i managed to claim another first: a speeding ticket. was caught on the highway in wisconsin. painful painful. 250 bucks. no messing around in wisconsin (i hate that place already).

its week 2 now, and im already settling down into this university town. today we have heavy snow. all morning till now. guess im learning the art of walking on snow/ice. im learning patience. really. i will be better. gonna try working out more too! this place needs some heat. gonna go for some free trial on wed, play squash on tue, badminton on wed, and maybe table tennis tonight. whee. and thurs we are heading to chicago!! (: me mel clement jo tee and puff. epic guys. this will be epic. (((;

some photos i love from this place. (: enjoy guys.

Brooklyn Bridge NYC. breathtaking.

3 musketeers.

blazing trails of a plane across NY skyline

buffalo wings!

toronto city from CN tower.

no lark in the park.

silent night.

BOOM falls.

rise and shine. first day of school

we are the champions. [minnesota swarms game]

joyful efforts.

reflected crossings [from Guthrie Theater]

few of my favorite things.

fishy concoctions.

defeat

2009-12-22T10:00:00.002+08:00

sometimes, one just has to admit defeat. i, for one, hate to admit defeat. prolly cause i want to have control over all, if not most, aspects of my life. that's why albeit my flu + sorethroat prior to hk, i still carried on my usual exercises and meetups as per normal, thinking that my body would be able to fight this war victoriously. unfortunately, upon a night of fun in hk, my body just succumbed to the claws of illness again. flu+sorethroat+runnynose+cough combo amidst the cold (yeah its 11deg..which is nothing compared to what im gonna face in MN) of hk is no funny matter. spent the whole of yesterday at home, falling asleep right after some super effective medicine i got. and getting up just in time for the next meal and eating the meds after and the cycle repeats. never felt so defeated. yet, i know this is temporal. my body is getting itself immune from the countless germs that may come my way this winter. (: i also realized that im no super being. i do have moments of weaknesses as well, and when these times arise, i just have to humble myself and grow stronger from that. i swear the meds re really damn effective. n i felt like a kid again drinking those dark irky cough mixture.

its 13 more days. WOOTS.

happiness

2009-12-18T08:42:00.005+08:00

at the SQ lounge now, thinking of what to do for the next half an hr, so decided to pop an update here. well heading to HK soon! like FINALLY. and after the whole visa saga for my vietnam trip, going to the airport does create some sort of paranoia in me. passport, checked. IC, checked. phone,checked. laptop, checked. contact lens, checked. xmas gifts, checked. joyful spirits, checked. its finally the xmas season, marking the end of 2009. what a year. im like counting down to the end of my HK trip, which is in 10days, and then the end of my KL trip, which is another 17 days, and that marks the beginning of my freedom. -beams-

well, on hindsight, i guess i was really looking forward to my trip to vietnam, holding certain expectations and ideals about the short holiday. but shit happens, and when shit happens, you just gotta learn how to clean it up. some people leave the shit there to stink, some will just use a piece of tissue to wipe it up, while some will go all out by wiping and spraying air freshener for better hygiene. well, i guess most ppl will choose the 2nd alternative, but i decided to just go all out to rid of those shit. filled up the 5 days with things i wanted to do, or even try things i never thought i would. it may sound like im just consoling myself, but i really am starting to see things in a positive light.

it maybe a blessing in disguise that i didnt get to go cos...

i could then settle my US visa earlier.

i managed to tryout waveboarding at wavehouse@Sentosa

i met up with friends whom i have not caught up with in a long while

i learnt a very important lesson in travelling that i swear i will never make the same mistake again

i had friends who really cared and helped me get over it and for tt im grateful

i had time to run miscelleneous errands for my exchange

i could go for my last salsa intermediate 1.5 class and social dance as well

i realised that im not cut for gambling at mike's MJ & poker session

i had time to read this book "the secret" which changed my perspective on life a little

well, i guess the list could go on if i want it to, but yeah just a few top-of-the-mind things that i gained from not going to vietnam. of cos, if given a chance to i'd choose the trip over all these but when things go wrong, i guess one can only make the best out of what's left. and i'm glad i did. (:

a friend once told me, "shun, you gotta know that everything happened for a reason. so instead of brooding over your mishaps, learn to see what the reason is, believe in that reason and be happy about it." cos i think happiness is something man harness in himself. as much as others can do things to trigger that sense of joy in you, if you don't acknowledge and allow it to manifest, it will never be in you. why else do we see the poverty around the world being so happy seeing that sack of rice donated by UN while some of the richest people in the world will not budge even if they have stacks of gold bars. happiness is when you have ownership over what you feel is truly significant to you. it can be tangibles like money, cars, houses, or intagibles like love, family ties, gratitude, or recognition. i guess i gained happiness from the love that ppl showered on me through tt travel experience gone wrong. (: even my dad, although he laughed heartily at my mishap (cos he really was worried about me going vietnam cos he thinks its hell there), i know that he laughed cos he loved me.

i think i will be really happy girl... with the 7 month freedom to come. -grins

VISA

2009-12-09T09:47:00.002+08:00

a very expensive lesson. always check if your freaking passport needs a visa to wherever you are going. argh.

finished.

2009-12-07T05:40:00.002+08:00

woo.haven been updating much here. cos apparently work's DONE! (: beeen really busy ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE AFTER THAT. haha filling up my schedule with meetups, dinners, lunches, frisbee, squash, tennis, shisha, running, salsa. (:

guess december is really a closing month of the year for a reason. everything seems to be wrapping up in this season. upon finishing my internship, i was very much looking forward to finishing my first marathon too. and im glad that i did it! (: its really an experience i would never trade anything for (but yet i think the pain that came with it is really quite unbearable) and im glad to have taken part in that with friends i really treasure. (mervyn, jason, dexter) u three really are inspiring to me. in aspects unimaginable. thanks for that! along the way i really thought of many many things, and i shall record them down before i forget.

0-2km: running with merv dex alvin jase. weather was really cooling and when we reached the 2km mark, i thought wow. that s like 40km more. WELL DONE.

2km-7km: this got by really fast too. seemed quite easy for a start. plus we were still talking and making fun of jase. HAHA

7km-8km: think i lost the guys somewhere in between. so i thought "owell, we ll all run a good race." n i plodded on with the pack.

8km-12km: still manageable, but when we got into fort road, i was like "WTH." when i saw the kenyans running back towards the finishing line already. they are really DAMN EFFING fast man. but yeah. by now i was doing alternates between water and 100plus at each station. n 12km had bananas too! so i jus grabbed one and continued.

12km-20km: never ending stretch along ECP. i saw ppl running back around the macdonalds area. thought the turning point should be near. BUT NOOO. it was really never ending. and was only until the sailing centre that we made a u-turn back. i planned to do a short stop to stretch and yeah by then my banana was like WARM. cos i held on to it from 12km. chowed down half of it and continued my journey.

20km-28km: staring-on-the-ground stretch. it was such an endless stretch back as well. so i decided to jus blank out and stare on the ground while running. worked pretty well cos you just take 1 step at a time, not knowing when the end will come, but yeah made time pass faster too. cos the distance seemed longer for me when i stared into the distance. OH and i was wearing this adidas shirt that said "i like men chasing me" and in the race pack, they gave a bib to put words of encouragement to pin on your back.and so i put "so...don't give up! (:" haha so along this stretch, guess ppl were getting woozy. they ran past me n said things like "haha im not giving up!" and "thanks for the encouragement..but ure pretty hard to chase!" haha yeah its quite funny. n entertained me somehow along this distance.

28km-30km: though its 2km. but the pain is starting to set in. i could feel my hems jerking up. but yeah i was just GLAD to be outta ECP. so i thought "hmmm last 10km, should be no problem already since i have been thru 30" boy i was so wrong. every km just seemed like eternity i swear. all the vulgarities started clouding my head. "wtf is this. why the heck did i sign up for this. blarh blarh blarh"

30km-38km: the list of vulgarities grew. n i started to stop to walk for abit. but that was greeted by this gentleman who said "HEY you wrote dont give up, so why are u giving up! come on!". haha yeah me shooting myself in the foot. so i continued on. i was really running at snail pace, but i just continued. the sun was coming up, and i saw ppl running on the opposite road. "damn i need to be where they are now. and that means a few more km before tt happens"

38km - 40km: more supporters forming along the way. thought they were really sweet. handing out homemade bitesized sandwiches, grapes, raisins, with salon pas sprays. really heartwarming. and alot of supporters out cheering for their loved ones, but never failed to cheer random strangers on as well. in my mind, i was jus counting down. 4 more km...3 more km...2 more km..

40km-finishing line: bumped into mike along the way. was q funny to see him at tt juncture. my legs were really dying. but my mind was still alive like hell. so we just joked while running. cursing at our predicament. haha but we managed to finish it together! kinda glad i bumped into him really. made the last 2km much more bearable. (:

was really proud of my frens too! all of us completed the marathon. ((; once in a lifetime for me man. a tick off my to-do list in my life.

now im off to pack for my hanoi trip! WOOHOO can't wait. n gonna settle my visa stuffs today and tomorrow before i fly off too. im looking forward to nice photo taking there. (:

ghost of christmas past

2009-11-23T10:12:00.004+08:00

wello. its the time of the year again. time for year-end budget wrap-ups, time for the long yearned for holidays, time for reflections which leads to setting new resolutions (or maybe attempt to fulfill the undone ones that were set LAST year) , time for family to spend time together as a nuclear unit over xmas, time for friends to meet up for that once-a-year xmas gathering, time for us to give more than we take, time for more thoughts on how the next year will be like, or how things could have been. "i could have" is more often that not a phrase that is extremely popular over the annual year-end holiday season.

i could have said no to this option.

i could have said yes to that opportunity.

i could have spent more time with daddy.

i could have spent less on this pair of jeans.

i could have studied more for this.

i could have gone for exchange.

i could have gone for this interview

i could have been more patient with mummy

i could have...

there are already so many 'i could have's that i can come up with. let alone every single person on this planet! im sure it ll be gazillions times gazillions! but yeah i guess that's a very human thing to do. we always look back instead of looking forward. we lament about how things should have been done instead of how things can be like. in a way, we are all haunted by our own ghost of our pasts. memories sometimes bring tear-jerking moments as we think of how things could have been, and sometimes we regret certain decisions that has been made. but it is these decisions that bring us to be who we are today. be it bad or good, we all learn from these things that happen for a reason. so instead of harping on the mistakes we have made, we should just get the gist out of them and move on from there. i like dex's analogy on life. life is like driving a car. u have a rear view mirror to check what's behind from time to time. but u have to keep ur eyes in front on what's ahead. else u d just end up in shatters if u drive looking at the rear mirror all the time. (:

so true.

work's ending on monday 30th november. im looking forward to heading to some cafe and read a book all day long and perhaps pen down my reflections for the year. u should do it too!

wills

2009-11-13T16:07:00.004+08:00

been running dry on inspirations lately on blogging, and thus explains the brief absence. but yeah amidst the fact that i have a presentation deck due in 2 hours and a few things on my agenda before i leave dentsu, i find myself thinking alot about what happened last night. had a run with dex after work.embarked on a 15km run. i think dex is really a person who has grown so much through the years. though i do not know him in his earlier years, but from the stories he tells me about how he grew up being a rebellious kid and finally growing out of those ways to be the man he is today, its really quite something. well he asked me a question while we were running, "if you were told that you only have 24hrs to live, what would you do?" well that kinda struck me as a question. i mean its not like i haven't heard of this question before but i never actually thought of what my answer would be. and that brings him to his next pt about the importance of wills. i guess death is still a taboo topic to many but pragmatically speaking, one should be open-minded and embrace death as a part of the human process. and if so, we should be responsible in ensuring that what we own will be allocated to whoever we want these things to go to according to our wishes. and its stunning to know that in Singapore, only 10% of the population has a proper legislated will. to think that 90% of the population are still evading death or are nonchalant about the unpredictability of life&death these days.

i found out from dex that the min amount one can put up for will is S$250 and it can go up to the billions. well i guess right now for many like myself, we do not have much to give out per se, other than personal savings or valuable gifts or what nots. but i think the significance of it all is not about how much or what you are giving to your loved ones, but about the intangible value these things mean to those you love. i mean, touchwood if anything should happen,i would give my beloved film SLR to mel not because she is one of the friends i know who does photography, but because i want to sincerely thank her for bringing photography into my life and i want her to remember me with that. and the list goes on. to me, a will can be the most beautiful thing one can do to leave his/her legacy behind with their loved ones. well i sure ain't cursing myself here, i mean, i think i can live on for a much longer period of time, but it is just being open to all possibilities in life. there is so much uncertainty in this world today that one can never be 100% sure of anything.

then i thought about the first question that came up. if i only had 24hrs, what would i do with it? well i thought slow and hard. and i concluded that i will:

1) spend the 1st hr drafting out what i really want to do once in my lifetime at that pt in time and prioritize them

2) spend the last hr with my dad (get him to grab the rest while im doing (3) and come over to wherever i maybe), mum, brothers, grandma telling them how much i love em and thank them for loving me back

3)spend the rest of the time in between doing the top 3 things from (1) with the one i love to let him know how much he means to me

but that's me. if you were to answer this question. what would your answer be?

ties

2009-10-29T09:16:00.006+08:00

just got back on sunday from a family trip to hk for my cousin's wedding. was quite a mad rush i must say. took thurs and fri off and managed to get my dress before the wedding happened. was taking a chance early in the morning on thurs as mum and wilson were actually scheduled to be on the 1330 flight while i was on the a380 at 945 as there were out of seats on the a380 when my mum booked for herself and wilson. so we were just there early hoping that some ppl will not show up and we can take their seats. sadly, all the biz passengers showed up except for 1. so we managed to get 2 biz and 1 econ. decided to take up econ instead since i took biz on a380 before and wanted mummy and wilson to try. (:

was jubilated to see daddy and ah-ma at the arrival hall. as usual, ah-ma is at the front, waving once she caught sight of us, while daddy, as usual, with arms crossed, will be waiting a meter or two behind ah-ma and going into all smiles once he sees us walking out. so dad drove his g-g-gigornomous GL500 to fetch us and we finally saw the damage that jason did to the side of the car. hur hur. headed home to rest while jason was out meeting some girl for afternoon tea. that girl was someone my parents wanted my brother to meet. quite a good girl we heard, and jason found her pleasant. he wanted to just know her better since my family approves of her and all. met him afterwards to roam around causeway bay as he updated me about his life. haven't really got time to catch up with him since he came back from the states and thus it was really comforting to hear that he is learning tonnes from his course (:

met up w daddy and wilson at macau jockey club for family dinner (well, almost since mummy was ABSENT). mummy was being excited about the wedding and had hopped to find all her sisters who had arrived to catch up. haha i could imagine her face as she narrates all her exaggerating stories. basically all of us (from Indonesia, Malaysis, Thailand, Singapore, HK) have all come together for my eldest aunt's son's wedding. it's kinda rare that all my mum's siblings are gathered at one place unless it's for a really special occasion. i met cousins whom i haven't seen for years, and aunties or uncles whom i have not seen since i was a child. got q blabberish as i didn't even know what to address them as without knowing how i am related to them.

daddy held a pre-wedding dinner to host all of ah-yee's guests and relatives and we had a feast of teochew food. stuffed ourselves silly but the food was oh-so-nostalgic-and-oh-so-good. had been patronizing the restaurant since i was a baby apparently, and 2 of the waitresses even saw how we grew up. every year we go there to eat our annual dinner and they will just lament about how time has passed them so quickly and we are all grown up and all. i somehow find them really endearing. i don't really know KNOW them, but there's just this sense of familiarity everytime i see them.

the wedding day passed by like a whirlwind really. we missed the morning tea ceremony as we were running late. (mummy was dolling herself up to look her best) OWELL. so we just joined them for some potluck brunch at ah-yee's place with all my mum's siblings and our cousins. quite cosy to be around everyone and sharing snippets of our lives. however, most of the conversations were rather skin-deep i felt. mostly about education, career accomplishments and achievements and what not. more about how they are 'successful' in their own ways and how their status is like in the society or even how rich their other halves are. and not exactly the type of conversations close family members or friends share.

headed to the church thereafter for the church ceremony, and headed home to rest before the dinner at night. was feeling super tired so i napped for 2 hours before preparing for the night wedding dinner. wedding dinners in HK are usually chinese cuisine, and my cousin's was of no exception. we were told that our distant cousin, who won the Miss Asia Pacific Pageant in HK was going to be there. and when we arrived, that pageant queen (PQ)'s mum kept signaling for us to go over and take photos with her daughter. honestly, as much as she's the PQ, i don't really care and aren't hard up to have a snapshot moment with her. as much as she's my distant cousin, we have not talked before and i really don't see a need to. the vibes i got from the PQ family was that of showiness and boastful pride. that kinda irked us but we just let them be.

it was great seeing my cousin finally stepping into another phase of his life, being a married man and all, and i must say that among all the cousins, we are closest to them as we visit them whenever we were in HK. and i also strongly believe that brides always are the prettiest on their wedding day! the bride looked gorgeous and there was just this glow about her on that day that no-one can take away from her. the food was great during the wedding and we took tons of photos. mummy especially wanted more photos of herself and her siblings as it is really darn rare for them to be together in the same dimensions. be it physically or mentally. (they do have much unresolved disagreements among themselves.eeks)

many things came to me during this trip, and the more apparent one is that of ties. how we are connected to people around us seem to be getting easier and faster and more effective. however, why are there still relatives whom i have not seen since i was a kid and they are related to me by blood and i am expected to greet them and interact with them like i have known them all my life?i much rather pay attention to people im actively interacting with and who know KNOW me for who i am. of course, family ties are unexplainable ties which i respect and thus entertained all their burning questions about our education achievements and future career prospects and what-nots. but it just occurred to me that how much these ties mean to us is no longer about how we are related by blood. it's more of how much i have interacted with them, and how much they know about me and how much i know about them. if all these dimensions measure low for this particular person but he/she is related to me closely by blood, i will still give them the due respect that any junior should have for their seniors in the chinese cultural norms of behavior. but don't expect me to be all chummy with them and act like we are the closet of friends overnight.

i guess this applies to all sorts of ties, be it family, friends, colleagues, whoever. i feel that it is important to know which are the ties that really matter and prioritize duly. and as much as i know some ties are important, others may still override them since we only have 24 hours a day and that is an unchangeable factor. but if we can all be clear and aware of the ties around us, we can be more effective in managing and maintaining them. then the theory of 'the rich gets richer, the poor gets poorer' will hold since we will end up being closer to those whom we feel we are already close to and shift ourselves away from those whom we feel are less significant to us. HOWEVER, as much as these weak ties are less significant, we cannot LOSE them or CUT them off completely because weak ties are an important source of information and resources. as pragmatic as it sounds, we often find ourselves digging up our dusty phonebooks or contact lists to find people whom we had remotely known once upon a time who may be able to help us in one way or another. that, i have learnt, is how the world goes round since the beginning of time. from all these, inevitably, humans are selfish by nature and will seek benefits (which they feel are practical) for themselves or loved ones whom they hold dear.

so i guess i shouldn't lament about the behavior of the PQ family anymore, for what they are doing are merely, from their point of view, for their own emotional benefits in terms of an ego boost for themselves and their loved ones.

haha.

grayscale frames

2009-10-21T10:02:00.003+08:00

photolog

2009-10-21T09:49:00.004+08:00

outliers

2009-10-09T09:29:00.003+08:00

been reading the outliers by malcolm gladwell. this book is rather insightful as to rationalizing triumphs and showing different perspectives that contribute to the notion of success. so far, i have learnt a few things from the book.

1. Success is an accumulation of advantages (meeting the right people, at the right time, in the right place)

2. High IQ (above 120) is merely a threshold after which increments will be insignificant in terms being an important determinant of success

3. You need practical intelligence (knowing what, when, who, where, and how to say or act) to alleviate yourself to success

4. Birthdate of individuals do matter for certain successes (sports, dance, arts) depending on when assessment of talent takes place in the year.

5. Upbringing of a person is significant in determining the hunger for successes.

guess that s what i have gathered so far. i'm still in the midst of it. but yeah the above points are the essence of what i have read. quite an interesting and easy read. (: a lot of real life examples are cited in the book and these are facts that are new and relevant to today's world.

been busy at work! having much things to do to prepare for the conference next week. oh last fri i went for a board meeting with the top mgmt of dentsu at the pines. was a great learning opportunity to sit in for this meeting. cos they were discussing about the company's mission and vision, and i was glad i could contribute my 2cents worth and be recognized for it. (: went for video filming after tt at bedok and then met jy for dinner at handburger! (yes again i know, but its really yummy). then watched inglorious basterds. OMG that show is rocking man. its sadist. but the more i thought about it, the more i appreciated it. (: highly recommended watch! watched funny people with jabs on thurs too. quite a hush rush thing. cos met him after salsa. yeah and its nice too! but not VERY funny. but nice.

over the weekend i got to watch the hossan leong show. quite a scam if i must say. he was just promoting his sponsors (which is right on his part) but i thought some of the jokes were just predictable and lame. of cos he had some good moments as well. but definitely not worth paying 46 bucks for such a short show. after the show went for dins and headed down to JJ bash w merv. it was fun. but would be great if there were more familiar faces. but then again. i think we ought to be okay with stepping out of our comfort zone to meet new people. else we will always be crowding with the same people and that limits us in terms of social development. it is through exchange of new information/skills with new people that new lessons are learnt. and we humans need to learn to progress. so anyhow, danced quite abit that night and headed home early to prep for the 20km run on sun.

ran 20km with dex at ECP on sunday! had q an arduous start. my legs were totally not listening to my brain. i felt them heavy. prolly due to the beer the night before. but really i felt lousy man. pressed on all the way till tanah merah country club from macs, but had to stop for a few mins to clear my nose and grab a drink. then after that i felt alive again. plugged on all the way till fort road. and back to macs. total of 20km in 2hrs 5mins! (: quite happy after that. and as im typing this, im picturing how it ll be like this sunday. 25 km. OMG. wad am i getting myself into. met ck for brunch at ps cafe after tt, before heading to sicc for t.tennis and squash. (yes i know im crazy, but i didn't realize i planned so many things on the same day).ran again with crystal and dex on tue. as much as i felt okay, i could feel the lactic acid in those legs man. owells. watched fame after that. its inspiring! looking at those teens putting their souls in what they love - performing arts.

so on wed had meeting with the client. they were really darn inefficient. they don't come prepared for the meeting, and then settle things only on the spot, which slows down the pace. the meeting lasted 4hrs. imagine. rawr. so had to cancel lunch with nic and went off to vivo for lunch w jess. headed back to office and had to clear more stuff before heading for salsa intermediate class! q fun learning more stuffs. n union after that. (:

yesterday was doing more stuffs for the conference. i was told on wed that i d need to stay over next tue and wed night at marina mandarin for overnight set up for the event. gosh. think i ll be zombified. but from that i d get 2 days off next fri and the following mon! YAY! (: cant wait.

aights, gonna head to ogilvy after work to take a look at the workplace and just know more about ogilvy. then gonna head for elissa's birthday in school. jy's heading back tonight.. guess i wont be at the airport, but yeah i ll rem the promise!

oh oh and i tried this new milkshake place called once upon a milk shake near my office after lunch on tue with casey. its quite awesome, but a tad expensive, but the place is really nicely done up! (: www.onceuponamilkshake.com.sg go check it out! love all these quaint cafes and eateries. don't worry plong, i will tell u more if i find out more of such places! (: thanks for the muffs.

peace out

fire burning on the dancefloor

2009-10-01T09:22:00.005+08:00

so shagged. ran an adventure trail last night! w merv n crystal. was a really scenic route. and proud that we actually finished it. but was SO tired after that that i totally just burned out on the dance floor at union. to start off with i am still a beginner, and with the fatigue and lack of skills, totally just screwed up my follows. )))): was literally missing beats and steps and all. NOT COOL. need to keep watching videos and learn. i will be good someday. SOMEDAY.

had been busy with the 4th Russia Singapore Business Forum. it was really a great experience, meeting so many people from all walks of life (as mentioned in prev post). my VIP was really the best i can ever ask for. he can be said to be the epitome of a true gentleman. had 2 toasts of vodka with him. once at the opening party, once before he left for the airport. (: well i really hope to keep in touch with him, and probably conduct a campus tour for him when he comes back to singapore. anyhow, i thought the whole forum was a huge success and credit really goes out to ambassador michael tay and his team of dedicated workers who slogged day and night to make it possible. the forum itself on the last day however, was a little too focused on the financial industry and i thought it could be better with more diversifications in topics of discussion. my VIP gave a really personal account of his experience in doing business in Russia and i found it more insightful and relevant than to be speaking about technicals and financial jargons that some may not understand. and it was a pity cos his panel was right before the MM speech and the hall was literally emptying out since everyone was out grabbing their caffeine fix so that they can be alert for the great MM's session. i was kind of appalled as the sessions were cut short so that everyone can be 'in place' to welcome MM for his speech. however, there was a delay of like almost 30 mins before MM arrived. this 30 mins could have been expended for more q&a. OWELL.

so the closing party was at capella, sentosa. my VIP had to pack as he was leaving that night, and so he asked to leave Shangri-La at 8.15pm. i had like 1.5 hrs. hung around w gina for awhile, then at the lobby before deciding to rush home to change out before heading back to Shangri-La to meet him. got down to capella at about 9ish and i was famished. the food there was really good thank goodness. and the environment was really conducive for networking and mingling among the guests. i got to meet quite a lot of executives that night. also felt a tad sad that this whole forum was coming to an end because i really enjoyed it very much. albeit the standing around, waiting, and on-duty mad rush that came with it. i also learnt about business matching and how that is being facilitated. it will be my pleasure if i can be of service in the forum next year. (:

view from 73rd floor. (:

mervyn is so RED.

funky jap minister

my 'MAN'

you can never know enough

2009-09-28T22:14:00.004+08:00

been busy these few days. on FRIDAY had a duper long meeting from 5 till 7ish. on the Yamato pitch. its getting in shape! sadly i cant help much in the final touch ups since i'm on leave today and tomorrow. OWELL. but yea really glad to have been on this team. the people in there are brilliant. especially chris. i think his thinking really goes beyond what many can think of. him and cheok really make up a strong creative team. (: listening to their ideas already makes me feel excited! their campaign falls in line with what Yamato needs to break through the local market and i am pretty confident that the client will love the idea.

so didn't get to practice my salsa spins that night. (sorry merv) YIKES. but yeah headed to eat ramen after that! w james ian n sj. at my favorite ramen place at central. those melt-in-your-mouth porky goodness. and the runny egg yolk and the flavorful soup. YUM. my tummy felt funny though. gotta be the green tea frappacino from Starbucks eh. i highly suspect i'm turning lactose intolerant.(dex i think the green tea powder ain't killing me just yet, if ever maybe the milk will do it first) yeah so the rest had desserts while my tummy churned. eews. went on to party world to sing after that. really fun singing with those two. they are really funny! especially ian. his moves on meifeisewu is PRICELESS. too bad i didn't take any videos. (COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY).

sat was great. spent the morning lazing around and had lunch at home. mummy cooked fried chee cheong fun. YUM. then headed to SICC to table tennis and swim (supposedly). ended up watching people play squash, and we were gian. so we just headed to the counter, and swept 2 rackets off the shelves. (: played for an hour plus and headed for dinner at the 19th hole. had a good time w wilson over dinner. talking about life and updates. missing jason and talking about life goals. and people watch. HAHA its kinda funny. wilson knows more about people watching than i do. and the terms he uses among him and his friends just cracks me up man.was supposed to head to wong's for a gathering, but unfortunately had to get up early the next day, so couldn't make it in the end. so sorry to wong chow marilyn alicia zb. )));

sun had to turn up for the Russia Singapore Business Forum. had recce before the event at the various levels from 69th floor onwards. it is really an eye opener to see how the event turned out. top business executives from Russia as well as different parts of Europe coming to Singapore to mix with local business people and looking out for potential business opportunities is really something unique. the kind of interactions i witnessed is something i have to learn in the long run, when i start my own business or when i represent my company in any corporate events of any sorts. i was looking after Mr Good, and he is amazing. his disposition, knowledge, experience, poise, grace, and humility commanded a great level of respect from me. i am just a student ambassador, and yet he did not hesitate to share his experiences with me, and even introduced me to people he knew. i learnt a lot from that night as i met CEOs and directors from renewable energy companies to banks to infrastructure to motor industry. to put myself out there with these talents made me realize how little i know of the world. that is definitely not something bad, but it sure does push me to want to know more so that i can/may/will one day be like one of them. extremely high adaptability seem to be a common trait among these people as they have to live in various places and travel all the time for meetings or business dealings. they are also very open minded, which gives them an edge in business because they like to get to the point and not be wishy washy about things especially where cultural or social barriers may seem like a concern. i also see very driven individuals who are enthusiastic about their business and cannot wait to tell everyone about it so that there is a chance for growth should any investor see a potential in their business. on the downside, the alcohol may have loosened some a little too much and people may end up toeing the line in terms of professional business behavior. but that only applied to a rare few and the rest were just all having decent fun alongside the wrapping up of the F1 night race.

i hope to learn so much more tomorrow as the forum goes full force. (:

cant wait for handburger on friday again. its UBER nice. ((;

aspirations

2009-09-24T09:44:00.001+08:00

stroke of luck

2009-09-23T09:11:00.005+08:00

was just on the bus this morning, observing my crowds as usual. noticed an auntie taking out her pencil and writing against a notepad. numbers were all she scribbled and they came in fours. without a doubt i guessed she must be thinking of the next combination to bet on in 4D. she had shifty eyes, as if worried that others may notice what she was doing, and occasionally stopped along with the brakes of the double decker. before i could continue noticing, i had to alight.

somewhere sometime somehow in our lives, we do find ourselves looking/searching/putting hope in the abstract concept of luck. luck cannot be measured, can only be viewed from our personal POVs and can be EXTREMELY subjective. for me, luck is the product of forced affirmation. after something really good or really bad happen to us, we, as humans, will attribute the negatives to externalities and the positives to self. if we are able to find things/objects/people/factors to blame our misfortune on, then that's that. otherwise, we create this alternative channel through which we push our blame onto. ("oh damn i got caught in the rain.. just my luck"). similarly, if we are unable to find sufficient reasons to credit ourselves for the good that happens to us, we will also say things like "oh great i got the highest grade in class though i didn't study that hard. i'm really in luck!". so i guess we humans become lazier by the day as we use this concept of luck as a convenient excuse to account for various aspects of our lives.

putting things in perspective does help to avoid that pothole. however, as Asians, those who do not wish to seem like they are boasting their achievements or being seen as trying too hard to find that perfect excuse to explain their misfortune will tend to use luck for justifications. moreover, luck is a concept which many Singaporeans, if not all, will subscribe to given that we already have so much on our plates and only 10% of our pea brains function at best. so bad/tragic/disastrous/good/happy/exhilarating things happen and because of our laziness, these things are mostly explained by that stroke of luck that exists somewhere in us.

i guess i have always been the lucky girl with a comfortable life and i have always been in luck with studies. i am also lucky enough to be exposed to all kinds of leisure activities, be it sports, arts, music, dance, or even travel. however, all's not smooth sailing. there are times when my luck fails, and i stumble and fall along the way, but i believe that when things go so bad, they can't get any worse so i know my luck will return in due time. i am also lucky to have met wonderful people in the various activities i involve myself in and i think i am lucky to have the opportunity to work with the best, be it in school or at my internship. however, as much as many tell me that i have been unlucky in things like love, i beg to differ because the concept of love is so noble that it would not justify to associate love with luck. in any case, i still believe that love deserves the highest order of regard and people should stop blaming misfortunes of love or attributing happiness in love on luck.

Lucky by Jason Mraz

Do you hear me,

I'm talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes

Waiting for a love like this

Every time we say goodbye

I wish we had one more kiss

I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea

To an island where we'll meet

You'll hear the music, fell the air

I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees

Move so pretty you're all I see

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

irony of it all is that I still like this song. hur hurs.

my favorite things

2009-09-21T09:57:00.009+08:00

room for more

2009-09-16T09:30:00.003+08:00

went for the ministerial forum last night at NTU Nanyang Auditorium. kinda rushed from work and cabbed all the way there. took like 50 mins. its a torturous journey man. jams everywhere and even on expressways. felt like i was making a pilgrimage to something great (or so i tried to convince myself prior the event). paid a hefty 30 for cab and rushed to the entrance only to find that i gotta deposit my bag some 20m away at tanchintuan theatre. trotted in my heels back and forth and finally slumped down in my seat beside shawn. and before i could even catch my breath, the man himself walked down the auditorium stairs to take his seat. its rather amazing to see him in person finally. have always pictured as the much respected prime minister of Singapore who has great visions and gives inspiring national day rally speeches. so seeing him in person seemed almost unreal. but then again, just like any of us, he's just human. but he's a human with great aspirations and great achievements.

so he gave his speech on the short term and long term outlook of Singapore economically, socially, and politically. he also addressed policy issues that concerns us undergraduates and more importantly focused on the topic of foreign talents in Singapore. then he closed his speech with a positive statement of Singapore's development as a nation in terms of picking up of the economy and the prosperity with the synergy of talents comprising of locals and international citizens. during the q&a session, a moderator was beside him as he answered all types of questions from the floor. many of these questions came from international students who expressed concerns over problems they face be it in school, life, finances during their residence here. overall, it was a balanced view from the PM as he answered those questions but i felt that the moderator came across as a little full of herself and she should not, in a way, 'steal the limelight' when she makes like a 5-10sec of remarks after every question. she also snubbed one of the students for asking more than 2 questions by saying "yes you have already asked 2 questions..-fake laugh- although im a social scientist,i can still count". thought that was really unprofessional on her part. there were a few more instances which she proved herself to be ignorant and insensitive to the students' concerns but i guess she's not worth me ranting over.

so after the talk was reception and we got to meet guests from other varsities as well as PM Lee himself. he talked to us briefly about issues that international students face in our school and what have we done to counter them. after the whole reception, i was really zonked out, but we still had to find our way out of the campus. in our formal suits and heels we literally trekked for like 20 mins before finally reaching a decent main road with a bus stop. no cabs in sight. no civilization in sight. took a bus down to jurong point before sharing cab with Steffi and Suan home. the girls were really nice. they knew i covered the 3o alone on my way there, and so they insisted that i skip my share for the trip home. so sweet of them (:

guess PM Lee is right. Singapore's heaviest constraint resource of today is not physical land, but people. Singapore needs to retain foreign talents to tap on them. it is rather hard though, as they face many problems which the government may not be able to see. on the ground level, subtle discrimination and stereotypes of the locals is rampant and that can be rather unwelcoming. as much as we know how foreign talents can help boost the economy, it is inevitable that this competition may let locals feel threatened. however, i think it is important for locals to adopt a different mindset to this issue. they should be more confident of their own capabilities instead of fearing what the foreigners can do. reflect on self before others. if you really are lacking in aspects that foreigners can do better, then upgrade your skills or find other niches for yourself. if locals are to shun foreign citizens the way they do now, it may not be long before singapore falls back to square 1. fortunately, from my observation, the ones who show their displeasure openly about foreigners are the older people, whereas the young and dynamic youths of today are more open to accepting people of a different culture or race or country. also, initiatives in schools and varsities are making it easier for students to integrate with foreign students be it in team projects or through events. i remain positive that Singapore will continue to thrive in the future to come.

haha nuff talk about politics. gonna head down to equinox later for a Canon event. woots. then union tonight. (:

finisher.

2009-09-13T11:45:00.005+08:00

just got home after a longg morning. woke at 530 to eat my brekkie and prep for the race. felt lethargic while scrolling thru the channels munching my usual breakfast routine: bread crust with nutella spread, a dash of nuts, and wadever additions i find around the kitchen, be it scones or biscuits. felt an aching knee but thought 16km should still be doable.

headed out to NYP and got caught in a mini jam, and while heading to the car park, i witnessed the classic example of social herding. the first car turned in at school of engineering carpark, and amusingly all of us follow suit, without a doubt. but in fact, we could have headed down further to a carpark nearer the starting point at the sports complex, and plus there was a signage pointing towards the sports complex as well. (we were told prior the race that we will be starting from the sports complex). but somehow everyone just turned into that carpark, and i ended up walking a fair bit before meeting dexter. so the race started, and we ran with everyone else. personally, i find it really motivating to run alongside so many people, and it gives me the drive to want to finish the race. it is encouraging to see how the veterans are still so passionate about running, and how people of all shapes and sizes are all running towards the same goal: to finish the race. along the way, traffic was really bad, with cars still whizzing us by along YCK and the AMK avenues. we even had to stop at certain traffic lights to allow cars to drive through. i must say that the organizers could have done a better job as that can affect the timings of those who are running competitively. along the way, dex suffered some cramps and we had to stop to walk a fair bit. dex felt bad but i kept telling him its really alright. cos to me, this mizuno wave run is not about the timing actually, but more of just clocking up the distance and finishing it together. although i must say for the stan chart run, i may not feel the same since its my 1st marathon and possibly my last, so i would want to give it my all to see where i stand. (:

as in all races, there are of course race marshals along the way and interestingly, they were all members of the older age groups. they were really nice, mumbling words of encouragement as we run past their flags, and despite the hot sun, a handful of them still flashed their smiles. the weather today was q bad though, humid and lots of stale air. i felt for awhile i was simply breathing in everyone else's carbon dioxide. hur hurs. so after all the upslopes and downslopes, we finally crossed the finishing line together. it was q an uplifting moment since now we know that we are on our way to up our distance over the next few weeks. and most importantly, we finished the race.

i guess now i understand why people say that life is like a race. with ups and downs, moments of joy and pain. at times u can cramp up but if you are lucky you will have loved ones around you to walk with you. else, you can learn from it and next time be better equipped or trained to avoid such pitfalls. along the way, you can meet new people and make friends with them, and who knows, they may end up being your good friends in the long run. you will also see kindness in those around, just like the marshals who are on duty along the route. i guess in a race it is not about how fast you run or how good your running is, but more of taking it as a personal learning experience. it is about developing yourself as a person; a test of your level of determination and mental strength. i see the beauty of running a race as the freedom to choose how you want to finish it and live with the outcome with no regrets. yes along the way we may falter and make mistakes, but we learn and fine tune ourselves to be a better person so that we will steer in the right direction and eventually be a champion finisher in our own ways.

aights guess i have said this a thousand times or more. but THE WEEKEND JUST AINT ENOUGH. rawr. met rara for dinner last night at food for thought. this place at bugis with cafe food and nice desserts. (: friendly staff and service too.

gratification

2009-09-10T09:33:00.002+08:00

wooots. bombed 300ish in 1 hr that night. well done. and last night bombed a few more buckaroos on threadless since they were all going for 9bucks! (: so...retail therapy, checked. running, on fri. tennis, on sat. drinking, checked. guess my therapy is taking shape.

wow typed the above at 9.59am and then i was busy till now. woots. got lotsa stuff to settle for the new pitch. then got another new pitch coming up too. had lunch w aaron ernest & zhimin @ amara foodcourt. yummy thai food n mango dessert. but i sense a bad sorethroat brewing. yikes.

aights gonna go for salsa later at 7! (: hope its fun. went union sq last night too. real eye opener. ((: cant wait for the next time. OH and did i mention. i can't wait for end of year trips! and im planning a road trip before sch starts in jan. yay.

guess im really in need of gratifiers these days.

ps: mervyn lek u better tell me what is 'prawn' soon. VERY SOON.

therapy

2009-09-08T09:42:00.004+08:00

retail, alcohol, running, tennis. i don't know how else to feel better. somehow i couldn't help but lash out last night. maybe its my poor anger management, but in all honesty i felt cornered the moment we talked. and i just fumbled as the talk went on, and that made u think i lied. well i really forgot if i did say that piece, but since u claimed u only told me and all, then yeah sure, u're right. u're always right. but just know that i haven't been talking about us since a long time ago. but it doesn't matter anymore. i just need to get back some stuff and i will steer clear of ur path.

district 9

2009-09-07T09:33:00.004+08:00

woohoo. weekend gone by just like that. haha had a longgg night on friday, going for salsa class, which the instructor totally whooped me for not knowing my basics.hur hur think i gotta start from beginners again. and prolly not at attitude. its q standoffish for a place for learning. i felt rather intimidated actually. so decided to vent out during the run with dex. had a 13.8km run in 1hr 20mins inclusive of all traffic junctions. quite a de-stressing run i must say. went for drinks at overeasy after that before heading to butter. was quite an eventful night, seeing hearing feeling things i never seen/heard/felt before. i guess everyday is a new learning experience. (:

woke up real late on sat. head was kinda spinning from e longislandtea/bourbon/vodka/whisky that went into my system. had lunch at peony jade w family where dad & mum told me to not go home so late next time. (of cos, dad could understand and he told me not to do it that often...with a wink) hur hurs. i guess daddy knows best. HA. dim sum was really disappointing though, albeit all the advertisements they have over teevee & on reviews. tasted really normal! owells. headed to collect my mizuno wave runpack after tt w dex and headed to meet a friend for drinks as he d be heading back to US soon. then went back to school to conduct parents' tour for ambassadors. (: coincidentally brought desmond's parents & family around. had to speak in chinese but i was glad i could manage. after that i had to rush off for family dinner again at imperial. was feeling damn exhausted by then, but managed to get down in time for dinner (thanks to trusty ryan).

yesterday was another eventful day. a happier & less dramatic one. went jb! (: started the day damn early. met at 8ish at bugis and headed over. had breakfast at da ma hua yuan, before going to go-kart. 8 of us rented a van and drove up from a car rental place near holiday inn plaza. (: i drove up to the go-kart course! quite an experience driving in msia. hur hurs. then went for movie at some mall (district 9), and headed for more shopping for old school snacks at holiday inn plaza before dinner at taman again. wah i was craving for my cereal crayfish since forever. and last night they totally blew me away. AS USUAL. (: they are really good!! had alot of other dishes as well. yummms

anyhow, besides go-karting for the 1st time, i think the highlight of the day was the movie district 9. to start,the cinema is SOOO cold i think it beats all singapore cinemas hands down. then the movie plot was so intriguing that i cannot stop thinking about it the whole night. in essence (ok if u're intending to watch this..u should stop reading NOW)

the movie is about this man working for the MNU(Multi-National United), who was tasked to relocate the 'prawns' who are aliens that look really like prawns, who have inhabited in an area in Johannesburg known as district 9. these aliens have come down from their mother spaceship that is hovering above Johannesburg. and the movie goes on to show how this dude interacted with the prawns n eventually got infected with a virus that caused him to evolve slowly into one of them. from the perspective of the humans, these prawns are essentially bringing to the city a lot of vice, crimes, disorder and riot. however, the truth is that these prawns are just happy being among themselves, and they do not purposefully bring harm to humans unless they are evoked. however, humans are still unforgiving in their attitude and eventually actions towards them and are bent on eradicating this race to another district that is 20km out of johannesburg. throughout the whole show i knew there was an underlying meaning to it, guessing along the lines of racism but i was not so sure. but after researching on it this morning, this film is really brilliant. it depicts the apartheid era in Africa in the 1960s, and how the blacks were discriminated by the whites and were relocated to Cape Flats for several decades. guess this show can be applied to many scenarios in many parts of the world or even in a micro-environment like our personal lives as well. how often have we excluded someone from our lives based on preconceived notions about them or based on inclinations in following behavioral norms in our society? have we tried to put aside those notions and know that person for who they really are? being human, i do plead guilty of such thoughts at times. however, in this dog-eat-dog world, guess all of us are, in ways big or small, living in our own district 9s.

goodbye daddy. hope to see you soon.

2009-09-07T00:06:00.001+08:00

energized

2009-09-04T09:20:00.004+08:00

life s been quite good to me these days. been busying myself with loads of stuffs. running 2-3 times a week, tennis once a week, meeting up with friends & most importantly, spending time with my family. my dad s over for 2 weeks. so been going on a gourmet extravaganza with him on the weekends. after playing tennis in the rain on sunday w jasp, had a major headache on mon n thus took the day off. spent some time with daddy, lunching@imperial w dimsum & sending wilson around. (he's having his GP prelims today.but im totally not worried bout tt boy la, pretty sure he ll ace it). yeah went for a run on mon cos i felt better after resting with merv andre & zhimin. think we covered like 7 or 8km. was sup to run on wed too, but had stuff to do for the new pitch coming up, so called home to ask if they were having dinner. then my dad, upon hearing tt im going home for dinner, was so happy tt he dabao-ed like 8dishes from our favorite tze char place @ fareast, and to top it off, bought a mountain of assorted fruits..mostly my favorites! (: n the funny thing was, while he & mum were buying the stuffs, he kept worrying if they were enough to feed me. HAHA damn sweet of him. anyhow, its thru these times that i feel i haven got enough time with him all these years.

well well, he really is someone i look up to very much. since young he has been the body of reason to all of us, sounding us out when we throw tantrums, well, of course beating us up if we really go overboard. i guess although we haven't been around him much all these years, he's very much still part of our lives. his dedication & love is really over and beyond what a daughter can expect from her father. i remember we were always really excited when he comes over to Singapore when we were young. we'd wait with much anticipation at the airport, desperately looking for any signs of him walking towards the luggage belt. then every night before we sleep, we'd do this clapclapbuddybuddy routine+ a hug before we say good night & head to bed. haha kinda miss doing that..but since we all grew up, i guess we show our love a lil differently. there s just this mutual understanding that exists within the family, which i ve come to appreciate and am thankful for, especially after things between me & my mum got so much better these few months. (:

aights, work's been pretty busy. as i ve mentioned, new pitch coming up, so helping with the groundwork in terms of industry analysis & competitive landscape & all. OH and i ve signed up for salsa intermediate class at attitude dance studio! gonna start tonight. been SOOO long since i ve done salsa. hopefully i wont be thrown off in that 1 hour. gonna head for a 15km run tonight as well, before heading to overeasy for drinks. i foresee a funpacked weekend too! sat gonna tennis in the morning w ziyang grace & calvin. then sun will be spent with the old birds. somehow i derive energy from doing different things. hope i can keep this energy level up. (:

may peace be with everyone.

stood up

2009-08-30T21:32:00.003+08:00

wow. haven felt that way in a long time. it seemed unreal that it actually happened. i know it might have been really sth serious that cropped up. but the irony of it all, was that i wanted to cancel it, but thinking that you might end up w nth to eat at home, decided to just go ahead with it and then you called it off. owells. i will give u the benefit of the doubt based on our friendship but for now, im just pissed. so leave me alone.

happy birthday benny!

2009-08-30T16:05:00.002+08:00

cheers to many more years of friendship. (:

trendwatching

2009-08-26T15:10:00.003+08:00

been assigned to do up a competitive portfolio on Air Asia over my internship stint (or maybe sooner than that) and now im just scanning through tonnes of materials on low-cost carriers, trends of today, consumer behavior, market research & all. (which reminds me, i have not finished my work for peter. O.M.G. it seems like a never-ending business) so chanced upon this site, www.trendwatching.com it has really interesting briefs on the latest trends and terms of today. i suppose trends dictate collective behavior in society to a certain extent, and given the vast developments in technology along with globalization, trends are becoming evermore fast-paced and unpredictable. this is when we humans have to be flexible and adaptable in all we do, thinking on our feet in times of change and thriving on these transformations.

change. a word that many people have a love-hate relationship with. change is welcomed when it promises hope, joy, peace, and other tangible benefits. change is loathed when it results in tears, sadness, anger, and sorts. i must say, change to me is like being a woman; her mood is erratic and very much hinges on timing, place, situation, and people around. i guess im happy that im a woman cos that gives me the convenient excuse to not having to squeeze my pea brains dry to rationalize a woman's behavior. no reasons are needed for the occasional mood swings, the sudden cravings, the much needed retail therapy, the i-think-i-am-fat syndrome, also the i-think-i-am-fat-and-i-should-diet-but-i-think-i'll-do-it-tomorrow illness, and so on.

well, guess im lucky in that way, but looking at the bigger picture, i think the norms are shifting. women are slowly becoming more masculine, maybe not so much of physically, but in thoughts and behavior. not only are more women out-doing men physically in various sporting activities, they are doing so in academics and/or career as well. women are given more say in issues that concerns them, and working women are already THE target of modern consumerism.

on the other hand, men are incorporating more feminine traits in them in order to be adaptable to the females around them. they are more sensitive, home oriented, more likely to accept women's opinions, caring, patient, nurturing, and the list goes on. i see this as part of evolution, going along the lines of "survival of the fittest". Innately, mankind has come to a realization that to survive, diversity is much needed and that applies across all aspects of human life. this leads to a union of traits between men & women. this is an era, where the lines drawn between sexualities are blurred. for those who are still holding on desperately to the traditional roles of your gender, change is not a must-embrace, but a good-to-embrace for now. i would predict that down the years, change may, in itself, evolve to become a necessity, but for now, change is like having starbucks coffee, while many others just stick to their kopi-O.

for myself now, being jaded about issues, im just glad im not going anywhere near coffee.

nonchalance

2009-08-21T09:39:00.004+08:00

was on the bus the other night. around 7ish. 190 is, as usual, very pops among commuters. so my bus stopped along orchard road and i was standing right about the middle of the slinky bus. alot of people wanted to get up from the takashimaya bus stop, and there were lots of space towards the end of the bus. however, many people just refused to move in. so the bus was stationary for a good 5mins as people are stuck at the door trying hard to squeeze on while others just refuse to budge. despite the driver's repeated calls to move to the back, none of them did. inside of me i really wanted to call out to those in front of me and ask them to move back. but somehow there was just something in me that stopped me from saying anything. i was rather disappointed in myself after getting off the bus. i thought that after 15 years of education i should at least say something at that time.

some people may say that its due to westernization that singaporeans are becoming more individualistic and thus nonchalant to such situations. if only they can put themselves in the shoes of those stuck at the door; they want so much to get on the bus after a day's work so that they could get home asap to their loved ones, or they want so much to rush home for that warm meal from their mums. but to me, i think it's not so much of influence from the western world but more because of the fact that it's not habitual for humans to think for others unless those people matter. Ironically, i think those in the westernized world are in fact more likely to show public courtesy than singaporeans. perhaps the singapore society has focused so much on practicality as a key for survival/success that the wrong values have been infused into our minds. i cant say that for all, (for i do witness acts of kindness occasionally) but to most singaporeans, public courtesy is still lacking in their behavior. that being said, it's not just singaporeans who are like that. i believe many asian countries in general are falling into this pit. perhaps they are being selective when being exposed to the western culture; adopting the individualistic culture but not the passion they have in relating to people around (whether they know them or not). In the process, they are even losing the communal part of them. races no longer identify themselves as one. we see conflicts arising within races and cultural groups. its as simple as how hong kong people show their dislike for chinese from mainland china. it is sad seeing such events happening, but i suppose individualism is a sign of development for our society.

for me, maybe it's right to say that if someone do not matter, how they feel or think or are treated are of no concern at all. but to me it's more of whether or not one can live with their own justifications. and i have allowed myself to succumb to that nonchalance. well done.

monotonous shades

2009-08-19T22:21:00.012+08:00

life has been rather dynamic these days. been dashing about almost everyday. running 2 events for dentsu soon. 1 conference & 1 signing ceremony. been recce-ing places for them too. and getting in touch w suppliers for corporate gifts. meanwhile been running q abit. gonna run again tom too. & meeting up with friends from all around. met dexter to run on mon, the gang couldnt make it on tue to run so ran in the gym. then headed home for dins before driving to t1 to send ling soph & friska off. gonna miss em man. sighers. wont see em for a year. GOSH. then nearly fell asleep driving home. nonetheless..singing to myself in e car, slapping myself awake, and imagining that im a f1 driver did help me get home fast nuff for bed. sup to send zhu'en off this morn at 5am but i really couldnt wake up lah. met merv for ytf today too. & had the patissier cakes thereafter. yums. gonna meet david mike enthu & sihowe tom. gonna run with e gang before that though. then fri gonna meet wong & others for dinner & ktv. woots. then sat & sun there ll be asmu retreat at sentosa.jam packed week.

today, i took a long time to head home. on my way.i started thinking alot. i came to a realization that i am actually going to step into a different phase of my life very soon. after my exchange in jan and with half a sem left in SMU proper, i am gonna be stepping into the workforce. guess being in this internship made me realize how people wish they were back in school. all my colleagues are kinda persuading me not to go into advertising. but somehow i do see a place for myself there. i do want to achieve great things. like many of them, i won't be happy being stuck as an AE, so i am determined to prove my worth in due time. if this is really what i want, i will fight for it no matter how much it takes. just like how much i really want to complete my marathon, or how much i really want my exchange to happen, or even how much i really wanted to be skinny in the past. the crux of these matters lie in the heart; how much am i willing to put myself in them.

i cant say for sure that advertising is DEFINITELY right for me. but i will never know till i try. perhaps after this internship i will have a better idea, and that can steer me in the ideal direction.maybe after graduation & after working in this field for some time, i will find that advertising is something that i really cant do for the rest of my life. am i going to stick to it just cause i have been doing things related to it or cause i have been telling my friends of my passion in this field? hell no! it will be ridiculously foolish to do that. one of those things i am thankful for in SMU is how they nurture us into adaptable individuals who can survive well in changing environments. so even if advertising is really not for me, i can plunge my head elsewhere & perhaps that will be really what i want to do. yeah. guess that's my take on life right now.

louis recommended me this awesome shopping site. omg addicted now. (:

http://www.zipia.net/

albeit those snippets of retail therapy.. its still a sad period. my frens are leaving. one by one.

liar liar pants on fire

2009-08-16T23:26:00.001+08:00

guess someone's wearing those pants now.

WTF.

2009-08-16T14:46:00.002+08:00

21 guns

2009-08-16T14:15:00.003+08:00

blessings

2009-08-13T16:27:00.003+08:00

just done up my 1st presentation for dentsu on my mac today & sent it to jess for vetting. but think she s quite busy so i ll only get feedback tom. (: hope my mac ll prove its worth once again. yay today i can finally go off earlier. been staying late for the past few days trying to finish up the slides. met jie and lili for dins ydae. haven't seen li for like what...6years! omg so nice to see her again. talked abt her life & updates & all. she's been thru quite abit man. rather dramatic. makes me feel that i got so many things to be thankful about..as much as things are what they are now.

things are getting up at the office...with new accounts rolling in and more stuffs to do. gonna be doing some new biz development for them soon too. (: been up to alot to keep myself busy the past week. met up with many people. people i miss hanging out with..people who i do meet pretty often already..and of course spending time at home with family. been exercising too...training up for 42.195. hopefully the effort will pay off. ran with merv jason andre & kinky on tues! ran for 50mins. totally blew everything off afterwards with pizza & drinks at timbre. -big whoops-. but yeah gotta start training seriously already. not much time left! gonna go back sch after work to run today too. & after that meeting the gang for buffet at crystal jade. well well. i guess what goes in, has to come out right. yeah gonna tennis on sunday too! sat gonna ve convocation.wahhh busy busy weekend.

gonna look forward to dad's arrival next week too. (: cant wait.

life of an intern

2009-08-04T12:40:00.003+08:00

woahh. its been 3 days since i started work. was kinda feeling the nerves on the 1st day. 1st time working in a long while. (: scrambled to find my way around shenton after i got off the wrong bus stop.. then finally made it there on time. Adele was there to receive me and she was really nice. showed me the way around the office (which they moved in not long ago) and introduced me to those who came on time. haha u hardly find everyone in anytime before 930 anyway. so got my com started and all, familiarizing myself with the place. they were having a canon academy that day, from 9am to 6pm. my supervisor is jess, and i am put under group 1 for now (or maybe forever more) which is servicing canon as a client. jess came about 930ish and got me to talk her through my loreal brandstorm experience while she gave me an orientation about dentsu. it was cool to hear what the company is doing and i do see applications of what I have learnt in school in things they do. then she told me to sit in the academy for the day as it would be good to learn more about Canon as well. the session was insightful as the speakers were really engaging and they were 2 fine ladies from netherlands. they facilitated the session on digital media for Canon and helped our client realize the potential in that sphere.

lunchtime came and the clients had catered food. so I got back to desk and jess instructed me to do up some slides for the singapore cluster for Canon consumer insights. so using the company computer, I had to work with WINDOWS again. OMG. and horrors of horrors. they use Office 03. how the heck do I do slides in that i wonder. so probing around with the long lost Office tools, i came up with a really crappy layout which even irked myself at the sight of it. asked jess for permission to do it on my mac & thankgod she allowed it.

am still on this as i made several amendments upon going thru with her. kinda fun doing it up and hopefully my work will eventually be shown to the clients. made quite a few lunch kakis around in my group & beyond. there's cheryl, the bubbly girl who is under jess with me as well..ginny, the friendly girl who got me to lunch with them on the 2nd day. serene the helpful girl who is ever ready to jump to help anyone in need.. mayuko, the sweet jap girl who is really cute and loves tapioca chips.

and the rest of the ppl i got to talk to and know are victor..the hk guy who can speak cantonese with me! ryohei..the nice guy who befriended me on the 1st day when no one really bothered about me. itakura..the guy whom everyone thinks look good given his age.(he's like what. 50+?)..fiona..whom i found out was from SMU too! the cleaner aunty who is all smiley every morning ((:

4 months isn't long, but i sure do hope to gain some kickass experience from this and give back in the same manner.

things to do.

2009-08-03T14:32:00.006+08:00

1. research work for peter 25 down, 25 more.

2. ~~sign up for standard chartered 42km~~

3. ~~sign up for Mizuno wave run 16km~~

4. ~~hand in application form for U of M~~

5. ~~report for work on wed at Dentsu~~

6. ~~see the sinseh~~

7. start training for the runs

8. develop my photos

9. ~~call Singtel up to clarify my bills~~

10. sign up for dance classes?

11. more research work

12. finish 11. up goddamnit.

of life.

2009-08-02T12:59:00.000+08:00

i never felt this way for SO long. to be able to just type out my thoughts, feelings, and just random things. yeah people say this will eventually reach people..but i dont really care.yar right. im determined to learn to forgo caring about what people may say, think, or feel about me. especially when they are people i wont care much about anyway. so yepps i will just be penning down stuffs i feel like saying, or interesting things that happened to me (or not-so-interesting things too), and basically what is going on in my mind.

well, i just got back from HK a few days back. it started off as a trip i really looked forward to, knowing that i can spend more time with my dad, and grandma, as well as spending time with dan. it felt good traveling alone there, having the independence and responsibility and all. it felt kinda good. spent the first weekend with dan and we had good times. albeit the no.9 typhoon that almost swept us away. hurs. besides the endless shopping, food, and MORE shopping, there's just something about HK that i love.

the environment. the scenic views i get every time i hike up the mountain next to my home. it's nostalgic tracing back the days when i was young and worry-free, following my dad to exercise the morning trails. to me, that is the most scenic place in HK.

the people. they maybe loud (or some say crude when they get angry) and talks really fast in cantonese, but i have come to understand the beauty of the culture that we have there. the people are like that because of the way HK is, competitive and being a society where status is of great importance. over there, people still judge one based on his economical, social, or even political status. this makes the people strive very hard to stand out from the crowd. efficiency is of essence to them and this translates to their behavior in wanting to make the most out of the little resources they have. 平靚正. (pronounce:peng leng zeng.direct translate: cheap, looks good, and functions right) is something HK people swear by in their consumption habits.

so, who we are can be influenced internally and externally, and as society progresses, people tend to subject themselves more to their environments so as to meet the demands that the society has of them, that we very often neglect who we are inside. i never really got round to thinking too much about it until things got downhill about a week back. when my world was turned upside down and i don't know how, but i managed to have the strength left to turn someone's world topsy turvy as well. it almost seemed like a déjà vu. and that kinda made me sick in the stomach. i really wanted to runaway and not face what my dad had to say. but i knew i had to take it. so the next day came, and i tried to look fine. but i guess i can't hide from dan. he seems to know exactly what i was thinking. and he initiated the talk after quite a sumptuous dinner at Morton's. it took me the whole night before i finally came up with a whole lot of excuses just to end something we started. that was quite sudden i must say. and now that i think about it, i was being an escapist. how did i bear to let those words out i don't know, but all i know is that i was being a coward. the trip back to HK this time round is indeed memorable, and in a way, i would not have done anything different if given a chance to, because i see this as a lesson i will look back on and make sure i won't make the same mistakes again. (and whether or not i have made them? only time will tell...)

cowardly as i may be, we have had countless talks about us. my thoughts on the matter, he has heard. his feelings on this, i have heard. i guess we have both heard each other, and right now, where we are, we may both feel its unfair, unhappy, unrealistic. but things have happened and we just have to deal with it. some people have harshly judged me on my decision. i don't blame them. in all honesty i may have been as judgmental if this had happened to my friend as well. i can't stop what these people think. and i cant care more. because i know it is hard for these people to see, that everyone of us make decisions based on our own perspectives. and of cos, it would be wrong if they were to judge me based on their opinions. but all in all, black or white, right or wrong, it doesn't matter because what matters is how the people involved in this thinks. not about what the world thinks of it. i am glad that we have been systematic and quite (or maybe not) logical in this. being bipolar and all really helps, especially when we both want to keep this friendship going, be it for the better in the future, or worse.

hope you have a safe trip. i really enjoyed my conversations with you.